001 Sorry I was being a bitch.
002 I lied when I said that I was okay.
003 You're always just THERE but I appreciate because you're awesome without even trying.
004 I feel inferior when i stand next to you, but I know in reality we're pretty equal.
005 Thank you for caring.

001; You're fucking pathetic.
002; You're so full of it.
003; You're very confident.
004; You're a putter-downer.
005; You're too stressed.
006; You're not stressed enough.
007; You're not alright with me.
008; You're my competition.
009; You're very gullible.
010; I'm sorry for anything I've done wrong.

THANATOPSIS

by: William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878)

O him who in the love of Nature holds

Communion with her visible forms, she speaks

A various language; for his gayer hours

She has a voice of gladness, and a smile

And eloquence of beauty, and she glides

Into his darker musings, with a mild

And healing sympathy, that steals away

Their sharpness, ere he is aware. When thoughts

Of the last bitter hour come like a blight

Over thy spirit, and sad images

Of the stern agony, and shroud, and pall,

And breathless darkness, and the narrow house,

Make thee to shudder and grow sick at heart;--

Go forth, under the open sky, and list

To Nature's teachings, while from all around--

Earth and her waters, and the depths of air--

Comes a still voice--Yet a few days, and thee

The all-beholding sun shall see no more

In all his course; nor yet in the cold ground,

Where thy pale form was laid with many tears,

Nor in the embrace of ocean, shall exist

Thy image. Earth, that nourish'd thee, shall claim

Thy growth, to be resolved to earth again,

And, lost each human trace, surrendering up

Thine individual being, shalt thou go

To mix for ever with the elements,

To be a brother to the insensible rock,

And to the sluggish clod, which the rude swain

Turns with his share, and treads upon. The oak

Shall send his roots abroad, and pierce thy mould.

 

Yet not to thine eternal resting-place

Shalt thou retire alone, nor couldst thou wish

Couch more magnificent. Thou shalt lie down

With patriarchs of the infant world--with kings,

The powerful of the earth--the wise, the good,

Fair forms, and hoary seers of ages past,

All in one mighty sepulchre. The hills

Rock-ribb'd and ancient as the sun,--the vales

Stretching in pensive quietness between;

The venerable woods; rivers that move

In majesty, and the complaining brooks

That make the meadows green; and, pour'd round all,

Old Ocean's grey and melancholy waste,--

Are but the solemn decorations all

Of the great tomb of man. The golden sun,

The planets, all the infinite host of heaven,

Are shining on the sad abodes of death,

Through the still lapse of ages. All that tread

The globe are but a handful to the tribes

That slumber in its bosom.--Take the wings

Of morning, pierce the Barcan wilderness,

Or lose thyself in the continuous woods

Where rolls the Oregon and hears no sound

Save his own dashings--yet the dead are there:

And millions in those solitudes, since first

The flight of years began, have laid them down

In their last sleep--the dead reign there alone.

So shalt thou rest: and what if thou withdraw

In silence from the living, and no friend

Take note of thy departure? All that breathe

Will share thy destiny. The gay will laugh

When thou art gone, the solemn brood of care

Plod on, and each one as before will chase

His favourite phantom; yet all these shall leave

Their mirth and their employments, and shall come

And make their bed with thee. As the long train

Of ages glides away, the sons of men,

The youth in life's green spring, and he who goes

In the full strength of years, matron and maid,

The speechless babe, and the gray-headed man--

Shall one by one be gathered to thy side

By those who in their turn shall follow them.

 

So live, that when thy summons comes to join

The innumerable caravan which moves

To that mysterious realm where each shall take

His chamber in the silent halls of death,

Thou go not, like the quarry-slave at night,

Scourged by his dungeon; but, sustain'd and soothed

By an unfaltering trust, approach thy grave,

Like one who wraps the drapery of his couch

About him, and lies down to pleasant dreams.

It's beautiful.

Too many things have been going through my mind. Too many things keep happening at once. I wish there were more hours in the day and less amount of hours of sleep I must consume to function properly. I focus too much on one thing and neglect another. I give too much attention to someone who doesn’t deserve it. I wish I gave more attention to someone who needs it. I wish I had the time to give my attention to the world. I wish I could throw up and cry when I feel like shit. Poeple need to suck it up. That includes me. I need to suck it up and learn how to live with myself.



Oh my God. I'm turning into an optimistic pessimist.

I'm back over 1000 songs! I lost so many when my computer crashed. DDD;

Today was a relatively ... relaxing day. Except for 2nd period. Go dig a hole and crawl in it, Reza!

89% in Filipino. GEEZUS, it's hard to raise your grade in that class ... Ah! And I have an 89.7% in Physics --which he technically counts as an A! I'm gonna retake quizzes 3 and 4 and then hopefully I'll have a solid A after that (:

You can pre-order "Hello Hurricane" ... TOMORROW! 5PM pacific time, beezy! I'm freaking STOKED!

& Baby, I love you. <3

I feel the tensions rise as the weather gradually turns colder and the mornings seem a bit more quiet. The nights will start to haunt me and I'll only find security if my feet are tucked tightly under the thick sheets. Sandals and shorts will feel neglected and boots and sweaters will catch my eye everywhere I go.

Why does Autumn sound a lot more sophisticated than Fall? (: And why does Fall sound like such a downer? Fall ... falling ... Oh, DST! Fall back. I will have an extra hour to complete homework. How exciting!

The flourishing greens will make their transitions into mellow yellows and rusty reds. Mm, the colors of Autumn.

Oh, and hey, my birthday is coming up in twenty-six days. Just twenty-six more days.

Didja hear that, love? I'll finally be as old as you! And everyone else. Wow, sweet sixteen! ... a little bit closer to nineteen ...

It's bittersweet, really.

001: Maraming salamat <3
002: Batid ko at hindi ko alam ... kanyang sitwasyon ay hirap ng hirap!
003: Ayaw ko ay kanyang tulungin. Ko ay masaya ..
004: MAHIRAP NG INYONG KAKLASE! ):<
005: Gusto ko ng isang kamera sa Pasko ... ):

xo

-- Whatever!

And I had a good day today.

But awwwee. I have school tomorrow! Two quizzes and a re-take. Fantastic.

Oh! I didn't mention it in my last post, but I ordered my TOMS shoes yesterday! I ended up getting navy blue ones AND red ones! (: I'm exciiiiiteeedddd.

Wow, this blog is random.

... And Dione thinks I have ADD ... :| WHATEVER

Oh my gosh, I smell Cinnabon.

:D

... :|

Thanks for the fun day, everyone I talked to today. :D

Disturbia freaks me out, to be honest. xD But I love it!

ILYIPIMIFNWMOY ! <3

But that doesn't interfere with me loving you.

Last night, before I fell asleep, I decided to listen to some music. I scrolled through the artists on my iPod and glanced at Switchfoot. I realized that I haven't actually listened to their music for the longest time. Even if I get updates from their Twitter sent to my phone and I post on the boards regularly -- it's as if I almost forgot about the music and how much it has impacted me in the past.

It's like, for the most part, life has been so good to me. I don't need those motivational words as often as I used to. Two years ago, I still remember how I was. I wasn't who I am today, of course. I was so different ... I was insecure (well, I still sort of am) and so closed up (I'm a lot more open, now). It's like I needed to listen to Switchfoot to get through a day. Some people can't understand that. Some people can't understand how much a band can affect someone's life.

Then, all of a sudden, I got really busy. With school, family, friends, ... everything. I rarely have time for myself and just to sit down and listen to music. It's always just there -- in the background or not being my main focus. So, last night, I decided to dedicate some time to listening to Switchfoot. Immediately, I listened to Golden. And I just ... started to cry. It was a good cry, some sort of realization cry or something.

Since Junior year started, I put so much pressure on myself. I always want to shoot higher than other kids. But lately, I just don't feel good enough. And I ... I just never really found anything to make me feel better. Yeah, people told me it's not the end of the world, and I put on a smile and agreed. But deep down inside I still feel like crap. Then, after listening to Golden, I felt a lot better ... I felt happy. Genuinely. And so, I cried.

I love Switchfoot. SO much. No matter how distant I get from the band, I'll never forget how much their music can make me feel better. I owe them so much, but I know all they want is people appreciating their music. And I do. I really do. I hope more people can appreciate it, but hey, you can't have everything. I know I'm happy and that's good for me.

Anywho, on another note:

Today ... sucked. I still can't believe what happened. I'm gonna face the problem, maybe not immediately, but eventually. I don't trust people easily. Please know that. And I really thought maybe there could be one person who ... I don't know anymore ...It's like I want to cry and scream at the same time.